'Tis The Season

The holiday season is here, whether we're ready or not. I know the holidays are here, not by the falling leaves, not by the Halloween, Thanksgiving and even Christmas merchandise in the stores, but because of the number of catalogs that are in the mailbox every day. I suppose this could also be known as Catalog Season. I got ten today. I do a lot of online shopping, maybe that's part of it. But seriously, you only have to be on one mailing list to be added to another 10. I get catalogs for stores I've never ordered from and some I've never even heard of. The nice part about getting all this junk mail is that catalogs are about all I have the time or energy to read these days. I can pick it up and read it for a few minutes and easily put it down if kid duty calls. I've found myself a couple of times in the past week actually disappointed that I didn't have a catalog to look during moments of hum-drum.

Another season that is here - Honeycrisp Apple Season. The best apples in my opinion. They are large, juicy, sweet, and, of course, crisp. Try 'em if you find 'em. They're in all our grocery stores here of course, but I don't know how far Washington grown apples travel. Andy, Ailey and I, and even Marin and Silje (in their mesh food bags) enjoyed Honeycrisps today:

Ailey and the babies played hide-and-seek the other day. I don't think that's the way Ailey intended it. I think she was just hiding from Marin and Silje, hoping they would leave her alone. But they thought it was great fun that their big sister was under the blanket and they did their best to "find" her.

"Could you maybe help us here, Mom?"

"We know you're under there, Ailey. You can't hide from us!"

Andy started staining the fence this weekend. He planned to start last weekend, but it rained. He and my dad and Ailey spent some time staining the fence on the south side of the house and got that whole section done. Ailey was pretty excited to help "stain, not paint" the fence. She got her own brush and spent all afternoon outside with them.

With Marin and Silje dragging themselves around as well as they do, we've set up some barriers so they can't get into the kitchen (Silje kept making a bee-line for the dirty shoes by the back door). Now, if I am in the kitchen instead of in the living room with them, they of course want into the kitchen. They make valiant attempts at getting through the "barrier", climbing all over each other in the process. Luckily they haven't gotten mad about it yet.





Ailey and I are counting down the days until we go to Houston, so we made a calendar to help Ailey with how much time is left. I told her the days outlined in red were when we were in Houston, and she asked "What day are we coming back home?" I thought it was pretty cute that she asked to put the day that we come home on there too. She's VERY excited to go see Aunt Sarah, Uncle Winnie and Baby Luke, just apparently making sure she gets to come back home. I'm sure the tears will be flowing when she realizes we're leaving Houston. Funny how the mind of a 3-year-old works....


Marin and Silje got to try crackers for the first time today. They do well picking up and eating their "puffs" and even small pieces of toast. They totally dug the Nilla Wafers of course.

Marin

Silje

"I got shomething shtuck right here."

Marin - happy with her dessert

Busy Day for Ailey

Ailey had a big day today. Not only did she have her first dentist appointment in the morning and get her cast off in the afternoon, but she did really well with the dentist and handled the cast coming off like a pro.

I went with Ailey in the morning to a pediatric dentist in Everett. This place is hell bent on sending the kids out believing they had a great time. They do it tastefully. The office is decorated like a jungle, and I mean decorated. The walls are trees, animals are everywhere, "fish tanks" on all the computer screens. The waiting area even has a tree that kids can climb, among other things. Ailey and I were led back to a room where she got to choose a new toothbrush and floss. The hygenist explained a bit to Ailey what they were going to do, then brought us both to a room where Ailey chose Cars to watch on the screen on the ceiling. The rooms are just rooms, no jungle. But they are actual rooms, not just sectionals. There wasn't even a window on the door. Other older kids were in open areas, I assume because they weren't expected to throw a fit. The dentist is a 40-ish woman who was very understanding of Ailey's, um, independence. I ended up leaving the room for a bit, so I don't know how she did it (though I plan on interogating her for her techniques later), but she actually got Ailey to show her teeth and let her clean them. The hygenist who came to get me said that there were no tears, but that they could tell Ailey was a little anxious. By the time I walked in she was full-on crying, I assume for my benefit. Though, say what you will, Ailey holds in her emotions as best she can and I think that was her kind of letting go at the end. She had done what was asked of her and now she was ready for some comfort. She willingly showed me her clean teeth, gave both the dentist and hygenist hugs, accepted her "prizes" graciously, and agreed that she had had fun.

I think I've said this before: She amazes me every day. Who knew my stubborn, strong-willed 3-year-old could survive her first dentist trip with no scars?!

Perhaps we should have rewarded her successful dentist trip by taking her to pick out an apple, or shopping for glittery toothpaste, but we had promised her a trip to McDonald's for ice cream if she cooperated. So she and I sat at McDonald's this morning while I ate a chocolate covered ice cream cone and she licked, 4 or 5 times even, a vanilla cone.

After a couple hours at home, Andy got to take Ailey to get her cast off. Not knowing how much she remembers from 1 1/2 years ago, we had prepared her a little bit for the machine that cuts off casts. Of course, reminding her of the noisy saw had heightened her anxieties a bit so that for the past two days she's been talking about not wanting her cast off. Andy apparently met with some resistence when they were called back to the cast room, but Ailey liked the idea of the ear protectors and ended up watching quietly as the cast was cut off. She held still for the xrays too, and even chatted with the doctor when he came in. She was given a brace for her wrist, mostly for security in the next couple days. I remember learning when Ailey was in her spica cast, that kids often had a hard time coming out of their casts because the casts had become a sort of security blanket. With it taken away they felt exposed and uncomfortable. Coming out of an arm cast is a bit less stressful, but the brace should help if Ailey gets protective of her arm.

Ailey and Andy celebrated her getting the cast off by visiting the Farmer's Market for popcorn on their way home. Unfortunately, the "popcorn lady" wasn't there today, so they just got zucchini and yellow squash, Ailey's favorite veggies. She had a much needed bath tonight and lots of lotion applied to her scaley arm. She seems to be doing fine, not really favoring her arm, but forgetting at times that she can unbend it again.

Both Andy and I were amazed at how well Ailey did today, but chalked it up to the new experiences she's had lately - namely preschool and Sunday School. Maybe today is a sign that she's growing more flexible and moving out of the throws of the Terrible Threes. Maybe. I'm not holding my breath and am nowhere near celebrating yet!

Bride... Princess... What's the Difference?!

Ailey: "Mama, my wedding is about to start!"

Me: "Really?!"

A: "Yeah, Parker is going to be my prince, and I'm going to be the bride! Do you want to be a princess at my wedding?"

Me: "Sure!"

A: "OK, you and me are going to be princesses at my wedding, and then Parker is going to be the prince."

Me: "I can't wait for your wedding!"

I can wait, obviously, several years. But it seems that Ailey's wedding, Ailey being a princess, and various people's birthdays happen everyday in our house. I posted a while back about Ailey's frequent birthday parties and the "birthday cake" made out of a recycled notecard box and her toothpaste box. It's still around and gets "lit" often. It has survived many trips around the house, being sat on, and greedy looks by Marin and Silje (they aren't allowed anywhere near it). I'm curious to see what happens when the imaginations of three girls start working together....

Ailey read her first word today. She finally got interested in letters a few months ago (she wanted nothing to do with them before that). One of her favorite TV shows is Word World where everything is built out of the letters that spell their name. She is always interested in spelling something and spells her name all the time ... so I guess today was her second word. She read the back of Andy's t-shirt: "C-A-T, cat!" We're proud parents!

Since the babies (aka Marin and Silje) are dragging themselves all over the place they are getting more and more interested in Ailey's things. For the most part, Ailey does not like this (gross understatement). But over the weekend she, Marin and Silje had a blast in the Thomas tent. They played peek-a-boo through the doors, then Marin and Silje sat up in the tent while Ailey entertained them. I got some cute pictures.

Silje is crawling. Sort of. She's in those first stages where she'll take a few "steps", then she gets down on her belly and drags herself the rest of the way. She also is pulling herself up to her knees with the crib railing. The crib mattresses are now down at their lowest setting.

Both Marin and Silje can push themselves up to sitting, but tonight apparently Marin decided it was time to perfect her technique. It was super cute watching her move around the living room, sitting up, then moving to her belly, then pushing back up and clapping, then doing it all over again. I got a video, of course. This went on for at least a half hour.

I got some pictures of the three girls with Parker and Levi that were taken over the summer. It took Jen and I six months and several "Oh, I wish I had the camera" moments before we finally got a picture of all five kids together. The first was the best. I've noticed this trend recently: If you don't get a good one of the kids on the first take you won't get one! Anyway, these pictures were taken in August. There's a cute one of just Ailey and Parker too. Note their identical cheesy smiles.

Andy actually got fence work time last weekend. He was planning on staining this weekend, but we are supposed to get rain. We'll see. Here are some pictures of the fence and the hard workers.

Marin and Silje love the camera. I often can't get a decent picture of them if they see the camera first. Here's what happened one day as I was trying to take pictures....

Here are some random pictures....

Sister hugs.

Ailey's outfit today. There is an explanation: she wore the pants with another shirt to preschool today, then wanted to wear her dress when she got home. Since the dress is way too short now she has to wear it with pants/capris/shorts. She just chose to keep her striped pants on. Hey, we weren't leaving the house at least.

Silje and Marin playing in the crib.

And since I've just realized the time, that's all for now. I'm in for a long night anyway - Silje has gotten Ailey's cold and is waking up about every half hour, sometimes for a bottle, sometimes just to talk to herself. That's all fine and dandy when there isn't a roommate trying to sleep in the next crib....

Ailey's First Day of Preschool

Ailey's first day of preschool was today. Considering she is NOT a morning person, I can congratulate both of us on making it to this first day on time. On the way she talked a little about wanting me and the babies to come with her and not wanting to go "alone", but once she got there and saw Clifford and all the other fun stuff she took off in her own independent way.

In fact, "independent" was one of the choice words her teacher used in our conversation after class. I believe the first word she used was "stubborn", though she chose to repeat only "strong-willed", "confident", and "independent" throughout the rest of our talk. As the teacher said, these are all good qualities to have ... even if they're tricky to deal with at this age. I really thought it would take a few days of preschool for Ailey's desirable-but-tricky characteristics to show up. Not so. But my theory is that following diections, sharing, taking turns, and general socialization is what preschool is all about - pre-school, learning the ropes for when she gets to elementary school in a couple years. I've heard that our preschool has a good track record in teaching those qualities, and Ailey's teacher seems more than up to the challenge of teaching them to 3-year-olds.

Anyway, Ailey did have fun. Only half the class was there today, the rest come tomorrow while Ailey stays home. She starts up Thursdays and Fridays next week, two hours per day. I can't say it was hard to leave her on her first day. Her independence does make it easier! Carting along the two babies probably also distracted me enough from dwelling on sentiments. ;) While I'm not exactly looking forward to loading Marin and Silje into the car and stroller twice in two hours on those days, I'm really excited for Ailey!

Houston, We Have A Problem

Not a very original idea for the title, I know, but appropriate! As Houston - and Sarah, Winston and Luke - prepare for Hurricane Ike, Ailey and I are cooling our heals and UNpacking. Well, at least if I'd had anything packed I would now be unpacking. I'm not a pre-packer. I figure I don't want to be living out of my suitcase until we're ready to actually leave, so instead I make a list of items I need to pack when the time comes. Anyway, at 9:30 pm tonight I am on my way to bed instead of packing up everything on my list.

Hurricane Ike is suppose to be a doozy - Winston and Sarah have taped up their windows, ice is made, bread is stocked, Luke's pack-n-play, the cell and the laptop are all in the walk-in closet ready for a camp-out. Schools are closed in their area, though they aren't evacuating. Today the airlines finally responded as well, cancelling flights into and out of Houston for both Friday and Saturday. Including our flight, of course. In rescheduling our trip, the best we could get sometime in the near future was the second week of October. So we are now going to meet a 7-week-old Luke instead of a 3-week-old Luke.

Both Ailey and I are bummed. I didn't care so much when it was just going to delay us by a day, but now I'm mad at Ike. When I told Ailey we weren't going to Houston tomorrow because of a big storm, the poor girl actually cried. We've been talking about this for months. She knew we were going "after the Lighthouse Festival parade". Then she knew it was the day after her first day of preschool. I could tell she was really excited about it. As soon as I assured her that we were going to Houston, just later, she was mollified a bit. Then she said "And Aunt Sarah is going to have corn on the cob for us!" Totally random. No, you didn't miss anything. No, I have no idea where that came from. Maybe, because of her love of corn on the cob, she was comforting herself in some way. Whatever made her say that, I immediately notified Sarah that she now needs to stock corn on the cob for our visit in October. Oh, how fascinating it would be to live in the mind of a 3-year-old for just a day! No, I take that back. It would probably be frighteningly confusing!

Sleep ... Or Not

It seems like I'm always tired. Seriously, always tired. Everyone goes through these periods and can relate to this. (And if you can't, I don't want to know about it.) Especially if you have kids, I'm sure you can relate. Whether you have a newborn who keeps you up all night, a toddler who keeps you busy during the day so that evenings - and nights - are spent catching up, teenagers who keep you awake with worry ... there are those times in life when sleep - peaceful, lengthy periods of sleep - seems as far away as Mars. You sit down to feed a baby and your head starts nodding. You get bruises from running into walls. You need the coffee or the live, adult conversation or the run around the yard to make your heart start beating again. That's where I've been for about the last 7 1/2 months.

I had a chance to sleep a lot before the babies were born during my 3 weeks of bed rest (aahhh, those were the days!), and I tried to reserve a little of it. But since you can't reserve sleep longer than a few days it is long gone now. Every once in a while I get on a bed-by-10pm kick and save up a little sleep. But "bed-by-10" always ends up as "bed-by-11" anyway, so what's the point of working so hard to get in bed before mid-night when all I get is a lousy extra hour? Sure, it might add up, but so will the dishes or the laundry or the papers or the messy living room....

I had a point. Or a story, actually. A couple days ago I actually felt like the walking dead. The night before, Ailey was awake off and on for about 3 hours in the middle of the night.

1:00 am: "Mama! Where's my Lovey?! MAMA! Where's my Lovey?!" Lovey found, back to bed.

3:00 am: I woke to Ailey staring at me, her face about 4 inches away from mine. "Mom, I can't sleep." Back to bed, "No, you can't sleep with me and Papa", tuck her in, give her some books. Back to bed and sleep.

3:45 am: I hear her door creaking open, I cut her off in the hall. "I want to take my brace off." We take her brace off and get her back in bed. She wants me to lay in bed with her, but I know from experience that's a bad idea. She doesn't sleep well with Andy or me there with her. I think I actually pleaded with her at this point, "Mama, REALLY needs to go to sleep, Honey."

She didn't wake up until 9:30 the next morning. She usually sleeps until 7 or 8, so she was making up for the middle of the night. I didn't get to make up for it - the babies were up at their usual time around 7:00. That night Ailey couldn't fall asleep until 10:00. That's another story.

I haven't caught up from that night yet. Today I was sitting on the floor playing with the babies: pat-a-cake, itsy-bitsy-spider, clapping and waving my hands, chanting ... my eyes drooping. Before Marin and Silje came along I didn't know that you could actually fall asleep while still talking and moving your arms and laughing. So, middle of the day, I decided it was an appropriate time for a trip through the Starbucks drive-through. I actually loaded three kids in the car just for coffee. Espresso actually. For some reason the espresso drinks do for me what regular coffee can't. It was worth it. It worked. Perked me right up and it hasn't worn off yet. Though I still have part of the day to go. Silje is helping me type right now (lots of backspacing and retyping going on), Marin is just waking from her nap and Ailey is about done with her episode of Word World (another favorite cartoon), and the current load of laundry is ready to go into the dryer. So back to work for me.

m xxdikkkkkkkkkik;l k; jv4ev, <-- A little greeting from Silje

Toots Are Like Fireworks, Didncha Know?

I went to Costco today. We were overdue for our monthly trip. The need for formula and diapers dictates our shopping trips and usually we get there in time, i.e. before we run out of one or the other. Not so this month. Today was the soonest I could get to Costco as we had plans all weekend. Thursday night I realized I didn't have enough formula to even make it through Friday, and I really didn't want to take all three kids to Walgreen's with me to get it. So that was a 9:50 pm run ... they close at 10:00. It wasn't until this morning that we realized we were out of diapers and I wasn't going to get to Costco until the afternoon, after my SNOMOMS meeting, so Walgreen's saw me run in and out of there pretty quick this morning. Thus we have a small yet pricey can of formula sitting on the counter and a bag of Pampers filling our changing table instead of the much cheaper Kirkland brand. To understand how important the cheaper diapers and formula is to us these days you have to compare our total Costco bill to how full our cart is at checkout. I usually buy two boxes of diapers and 8 cans (the monster Costco size) of formula at a time. That gets us through about a month. It usually warrants a comment from the cashier, but today I think he was actually confused for a moment. After scanning everything in the cart he clicked the button and read me the total, then got a puzzled look on his face and walked over to the cart. He muttered to his assistant something like "What's in there?" I saved him the trouble of digging through my purchases and said "It's just the formula." "Oh, I thought those were wipes." The formula is now coming in a plastic container that resembles stand-up wipes containers. Unfortunately, formula costs a bit more than wipes. Apparently, most people don't fit that much money in one cart. At least we don't have triplets.

We had a pretty eventful week. It started with a couple playdates, those always make the day the fly by. One was with another twin mom who has a 4-year-old son and 2-year-old twin girls - similar age spacing to our three, so having them over is like getting a little preview into our future. On another day Jen, Parker and Levi came over for a lunch date. I had commented to Jen a couple days earlier that we are all familiar enough that if either of us has to deal with tantrums or other kid-disasters it's not awkward or uncomfortable, and we can each fairly easily pitch in and cover the other's kids for a while. That was tested on Friday when they came over. Parker and Ailey took turns having issues and all the kids were exhausted at the end ... but at least Jen and I got some conversation in! (Some days that's what matters.)

Ailey had her preschool open house this week, getting the chance to meet her teacher and see her room and everything in it. Mrs. Crossen had a big stuffed Clifford! Along with the two Clifford posters, I think that made Ailey more comfortable immediately. She definitely has something to look forward to. Her first day of preschool is on Thursday. Luckily they only go one day the first week or she'd be missing school already - she and I leave for Houston on Friday morning.

We had the Lighthouse Festival this weekend. For the past 4 years we have spent Saturday doing Festival stuff. A pancake breakfast at a local church followed by the grand parade. Then we go down to Oldtown for a salmon dinner and stay to watch the fireworks that are lit off from a barge out in the sound. This year, between the parade and dinner, Ailey and I also checked out the kids activities. We haven't done that in the past. Last year she would have been old enough, but she was in her hip brace. She could walk well enough in the brace, but maneuvering crowds would be pretty tricky, to say nothing of bouncing in the Giant Balloon Bouncy Things (that's the official name for them, I'm sure). This year she had a blast in one of the Giant Balloon Bouncy Things. Instead of being just one big bounce, it was a maze with obstacles and a couple slides. All of this she did with her arm cast, while I wandered the exterior wondering what her doctor would think of me letting her bounce around like that. (You'll never tell, right?) There was also a craft area with a bunch of different projects to work on. We came home with a dot-painted rainbow picture, a sparkly star on a stick, a Japanese kite, and a little red toy frog she "caught" on the end of a fishing pole. Oh, and blue cotton candy.

Andy opted out of the kid activities and stayed home with Marin and Silje - his knee is still giving him some trouble so he willingly offered to babysit. We picked them up at home and headed back for dinner and the fireworks. You'd think we would learn every year from the previous one to get down there for dinner earlier, because every year the vendors run out of food. The festival gets bigger every year, so even though the vendors increase the amount of food from the previous year they still end up falling short (we heard this conversation at the salmon bake a couple years ago). This year we could have gotten salmon, but without the corn, so we opted for burgers and corn on the cob from another stand instead. Both were worth it. Ailey finished off her whole cob.

The fireworks were exceptional as always. When Ailey was 5 months old she enjoyed them so I was pretty sure at least one of the babies would be fine with them. I won my own bet on which one - Marin enjoyed them and Silje cried through most of it. In Silje's defense she was tired, but I don't think it would have made much difference than if she had just gotten a long nap. At this point in their lives, Marin is mellow and Silje more emotional. (Since during the first two months of their lives the opposite was true, don't label them yet!) Luckily we were watching the fireworks with Parker and company as we have the past few years. With Silje crying, Marin trying to drag herself everywhere, and Ailey being a "twit" (at least that's what Andy called her when I got back from getting food) it was nice to be there with good friends who, again, can step in and cover our asses, er, cover our kids pretty easily if necessary. Tony got a work-out holding jumpy Marin, and their little headlamp found my fallen piece of cheese nicely.

It was after 9:30 by the time we crawled out of Oldtown and into our own garage. Maybe it was the sleep deprivation, maybe the endorphin high from the fireworks, or maybe there was something in that corn she ate, but Ailey made a most profound observation as we drove into our driveway. She must have been consciously or subconsciously thinking about how she hadn't pooped yet that day, and since pooping, "tooting", and most other bodily functions are talked about openly at this point in her life I'm sure she thought nothing of her observation except that it was mildly interesting. She said: "My toots are like fireworks. They just blast out!" I usually keep my cool with Ailey's comments and "observations", but this one had me rolling. It was a minute before I could compose myself and compliment her comparison. And the more I think about it the more I realize what a smart comparison it really was. I mean, comparing farts and fireworks is some pretty good metaphorical thinking!

While Ailey was contemplating her physiology, the babies were improving their moves. Marin is getting pretty fast at dragging herself around. Nothing on the floor is safe. She also started clapping a few days ago and can't seem to get enough of it! (See the video below.) And today Silje sat herself up from laying on her tummy. They've both been showing signs of that, we just didn't know who would do it first!

Marin clapping:

Marin showing off her first tooth!

Marin and Silje

I didn't notice until after uploading this picture to the computer that Marin had her fingers in Silje's ear. Must have been payback for the hair grabbing - Silje can get quite the grip on Marin's hair!Silje was quite intent on her playing... ...While Marin was looking for attention. Silje and Marin trying to say they're ready for bed...

...As am I. I hope this finds you at the start of a good week.

"Can I show you how to be a Mother?"

Kids say the darnedest things. ALL kids say the funniest things sometimes, so anyone is likely to have experienced a kids-say-the-darnedest-things moment. When it's your own kid saying the darnedest things of course it's funnier than any other kid saying something funny, because you know the background, you know where it's coming from.

A couple days ago Ailey asked "Can I show you how to be a mother?" At this point I might have thought "Hey wait! Aren't I doing an alright job on my own?" or "What, are you going to "show" me that a mother lets her kid watch TV/stay up late/eat candy all day?" or "Are you going to imitate something rediculous that I do?" But no, my first thought was "Which Clifford episode will this be from?!"

Clifford the Big Red Dog is Ailey's favorite cartoon, and if not for my own sanity and wanting to hear something other than "Do do do, Clif-ford need-ed Em-i-ly, so she chose him for her own, do do do" she would watch it every day. I really like it too though. It's a good cartoon for a 3 year old, and I love hearing John Ritter as Clifford. But almost everything that comes out of Ailey's mouth that at first doesn't make sense comes from certain Clifford episodes that she watches over and over and over....

When I told Ailey to go ahead and show me "how to be a mother" she got up on her tip-toes and started walking around the room as if on heels. "See! I'm a Mother!" When I quit laughing I asked her where she had seen that, specifically which episode. She couldn't come up with where she got it. I'm still not sure if it was on Clifford or not, but I know it isn't me she's imitating. I don't wear heels or earrings often, something she also claimed to be a Mother-type quality.

Another darnedest-thing Ailey said recently is something I hope doesn't get repeated outside our house. It might just create some confusion. It also comes from Clifford, and if you know that then it doesn't seem so bad. Today was the first time I heard it, and I'm hoping the last! I heard Ailey say to my dad "I have a big itchy problem!" I can just see strangers hearing this one, furrowing their eyebrows or steering clear of our path. But of course, it's Clifford who had the big itchy problem.

A few days ago Ailey spent most of her day reciting a line from a recent Clifford episode. It was one of those two-person hand clapping games that Emily Elizabeth had learned at school and was teaching to Clifford, except that half-way through the rhyme Emily and Clifford were interupted. Therefore, so was Ailey. It went like this:

"I went downtown to see Mary Brown
She gave me a nickel to buy me a pickle
The pickle was sour, I gave her a flower
The flower was red and this is what--
Birdie! She's in trouble! Do something Clifford! PLEASE!"

Ailey recited this at least 20 times that day. Always with a sing-song voice for the rhyme followed by the necessary urgency.

Again, at least I like the Clifford show. This is why there are age labels on movies and TV - kids remember everything.

In other news, Andy's knee continues to heal and Ailey doesn't even notice she's wearing a cast on her arm. Kids are amazing. Marin got her first tooth this week and both she and Silje are now mobile. Not crawling, but not far from it. Marin is pretty good at dragging herself anywhere she wants to go.